addme | they say she talks a lot.

Hello! My name is Shana. I've posted here before, but it was a fair while back (3 months), and my journal underwent some changes in that time period. But now I've migrated to dreamwidth for good (from lj, yeah), and it's back in full force. So. I'd like to get to know some more people around here. Preferably people who actually keep journals, not just to-do lists or mundane & casual details "journals," or impersonal blogs. Because, although I engage in the mundane and casual too, as well as more "bloggish" entries and posting of writing... mostly my journal is intense, fiery and rampant with emotion. And very personal. It's also a kind of autobiography project, continually updated with stuff from the past, fictional writing and poetry, emails/letters, etc. And I'd really like to get to know people who are interested in that kind of groundbreaking personal soulsearching and intensity. It helps to build trust too, for that matter!

I'm nineteen in a week, and I am (about to be) a sophomore at a women's college in New England (US). Classes start on my birthday, heh. I can't wait to get back. I identify as a cisgendered girl/woman, queer/pansexual (sometimes more lesbian), pro-sex, pro-choice, a PoC (person of color), multiracial/mixed-ethnicity, (South Asian) Indian, American, multicultural, international but US citizen, rather rootless, atheist and unspiritual, varying degrees of middle-class (somewhat upper in India, lower in US?), a feminist and womanist, mentally "problematic" according to the psych conformists, a suicide survivor, very anxious, anti-capitalism, anti-determinism, NOT liberal democrat republican or any western major political party affiliated, quite extroverted, a rambler, stubborn, somewhat social though not good in groups, somewhat dis/abled (hearing impaired/hearing-aid-wearing, and my left hand is deformed), straight-edge, not vegan or vegetarian, a "standard" range weighted person, anti-"thinspiration" and other proanorexia type shit, pro-health at every size, anti-military, anti-weapon proliferation, anti-hunting (especially for "sport"), a cyber/netizen ... I'm running out of terms here. Also I think I went from identification to declaring my opinions thus far. Oh well. I'm not really always decided, but I do know how to take a stand. I'm not the best at arguments and discussions, but I keep trying. I hope I'm getting better. I definitely think it's important to have .. conversations.. about difference, to spread awareness, to acknowledge inequalities, etc.

I write a lot, usually more in my journal, though I spout out poems and bits of stories once in a while too. I used to be more creative earlier; I find it a lot harder now. I procrastinate a lot too, so.. I don't read as much as I should, and I often skip/skim a lot, a terrible habit I've had since forever and haven't been able to shake off. I'm not into fandom (whether it's anime/manga or tv show/movie/book related), but I admit to reading smut once in a while. Sometimes! Terrible, considering my issues regarding pornography. Well, I don't know. And sometimes other fanfiction, but hardly ever. I'm also not into gaming. I often get irritated with fandom and gaming, but I try to be fairly considerate. I think. A lot of my online friends are really into that sort of thing, and it's okay. But it's true; I do long to find more people who aren't into it so much, often/sometimes.

I'm an artist, but I do art sporadically, even more sporadically than I write, and I haven't done much in over a year. I have done quite a lot of intense artwork in the past, though, I hope to do more in the future. I'm not musical -- I like listening to music a lot, but the only musical experience I've really had was taking three years of singing lessons with playing on the harmonium when I was ten to thirteen. And I didn't practice enough. I tend to be rather tuneless, or in any case very bad at catching tunes. I think this probably has something to do with my hearing loss. Too. I'm also terrible that way when it comes to dancing, though. Terrible, worst, often, at getting in sync with others. I want to dance more on my own, though, at least, but I'm lazy (never get enough exercise) and I never get around to it. That's another thing. I've always sucked at sports, and I loathe them. If I have to choose, I'll do with something more individual, like jogging/running/fast walking or biking or swimming. I tried ice skating once; it might be good to try it again. But I'm really not athletic, bodily flexible or sporty. At all. I'm also really not into spiritual/meditation-like sports, like yoga. Tried it a few times, was forced to, rather, and I just don't get it. My counsellor at school doesn't either; really quite a miracle, seems like those psych people usually love the stuff...

I don't believe in providing lists of favorites in these sort of add-me-please! entries, and when I'm reading I skim over those (and often don't care for the people who only provide such things..), but I do make lists a lot, and in the past I used to do the whole lists of favorites thing in every introduction entry, so here it is. For reference! I update it once in a while. hah, I know I'm such a hypocrite. Will you forgive me?
You can also check out my profile for more links and info on interests and such.

Oh, as for the whole multiracial/multicultural thing: I grew up mostly in India, but I've moved back and forth between the US and India a fair amount, especially in the past four or five years. My mother is white/Caucasian and American, though she's lived and worked almost exclusively in India for the past 25 odd years, and continues to do so. Her family's scattered about the US, though, and we've visited. My father is Indian (half Bengali and half Punjabi), and his immediate family lives in Kolkata (earlier known as Calcutta), where he grew up. I was born in India, and I've grown up speaking English as my first language. I moved back and forth a lot between the US and India in the first four years of my life, too. I am not fluent in any Indian languages, though I studied Hindi for nine years in school. I can read and write and understand a fair amount of it, but it's faded and keeps fading a lot. I've been living in the US more permanently since I started college last year.

This is getting long, but I'll warn you: my entries are very often much, much longer! So if you can't put up with this, you probably won't like subscribing to my journal. Also, I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me how old you are and what your sex and gender are (cis, trans, male, female, genderqueer, intersex..), should you wish to friend me.

I'd very much love to know you.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I absolutely love reading long entries, especially when the person who writes them actually has something to say. You seem to me like someone I'd love to get to know, so I'll be adding you. As for my age, sex and gender, I am 21 and physically female but identify as pangendered with a very slight pull toward male.

Hi! I enjoyed your introduction. I'm 21 and female on both counts. I look forward to reading more from you! :)

I started out just skimming this entry, but "cisgendered" caught my eye, and I read it through. It's not often that you find someone who is cisgendered who knows that word. :-)

I identify as a transgendered/transsexual woman. I haven't begun physical transition yet, and am only just beginning to come out as trans. I'm out to my friendslist here and on the mirrors at LJ and IJ.

I am also an atheist, although I do meditate at times. I find it, for me, very relaxing.

I have Asperger's, no other disabilities.

I'm adding you! I don't consider myself male or female and I'm 23 but I feel much, much older.

I have Aspergers but that's about it really. My entries are ramblings that only make sense to me. If you can tolerate that then we'd be great friends :).

I like your rambles, from what I've seen so far :)
added you back.

what pronouns do you use to refer to yourself / have others refer to you with? (if you don't mind me asking)

And as for the age thing, that's interesting. I'm not really sure what it means to feel older or younger, really, though I've often tried to figure it out.

hello -- hmm, okay, I want to say that I'm really sorry about how I very vaguely subscribed to you (but did not respond to this comment earlier, even though I meant to...), then granted you access maybe, then removed access, then unsubscribed, all without any notification or comment anywhere. I realize this was very rude. I don't really have a very good explanation other than that earlier this semester (September/October) I was really all over the place. That's not a good excuse and it sounds awfully flippant. I don't really know --

but the thing is, I'd like to get to know you again, if you're willing to give me a second chance! Which, obviously, I realize this is clutching at straws and I was flighty and don't really deserve one. I just -- well, I'd like to grant you access and actually get to know you this time around, if you choose to. And. Yeah. I'm really, really sorry about before.

Sure! I'll readd you

hi! i was browsing the addme comm and came across your very long entry *grin* and i think you sound incredibly interesting! your final sentence clinched the deal so here i am, to tell you that i'm going to add you and i hope you'll do the same (to me - not you *grin*).

OH! i almost forgot - i am 29, i identify as...*sigh* a girl. i'm just a regular girl. but i don't care for the word 'female' or 'woman'. so i say girl. i am not offended by other people using those adjectives to describe me. it's just a weird thing i've always had with myself, calling myself a girl. yeah so...that ended up being a lot more complicated than i meant it to be. >_>

I just read your sticky post on what to expect to find in your journal, and I have to say it was seriously detailed and awesome :]
I've added you back and I really look forward to getting to know you!

and thank you.

and it's not weird to identify as a girl! it is interesting. right now i have trouble identifying as a woman, too, the word "girl" feels most fitting. i don't know if this will change as i grow older.. or not. i think self-identification should be about agency more than anything else, which is something i struggle with myself, so.

*laugh* you're the first to compliment me on my sticky post! :D and thanks!

also thanks for adding me! i'm enjoying your entries so far. :)

and it's really neat that someone "gets me" as far as the girl thing! i've never heard the word 'agency' used that way - what does it mean?

Hi Shana. My introduction to this community is posted here. To elaborate, I also identify as a cisgendered female (I'm far more femme than butch) and a lesbian.

Sometimes I identify as a feminist and a queer person and occasionally I vacilate between the two. It depends on who I am with. Sometimes I feel like feminists ignore lesbians and sometimes I feel like queer culture is misogynistic and unwilling to investigate white privilege (well, we white members of the LGBTQI community). I'm still doing a lot of thinking about these such issues.

If you don't mind, may I add you?

Hi XO, sorry to interrupt the conversation. Those are very interesting thoughts.

Last week someone asked me if I identified as a girl or a woman. I identify myself as a woman, but primarily for politican reasons. Mainstram culture often infantilises women and I don't want to be treated that way. It drives me crazy when customers call me "Girl." But inside, I often feel more like a girl.

Hi Laura :) It was good to read your introduction. You sound like an interesting person and I would love to find out more about what you deem your mediocre writings if you ever do end up sharing them :] I feel like writing is.. complicated! I share my writing rather openly, but in some ways I also feel very, very private and vulnerable about it..

And I think that yes, there are so many intersections there -- with feminism, and queer culture, and race -- and it's a struggle, a lot of the time, it really is. It depends on who I'm with, too, what I choose to say or identify as. It really does.

and wow, moving from Australia to Canada sounds pretty huge :] and hah, yeah, it must be cold there. It's cold enough here in Massachusetts, and we're lower down.. also, it seems like several places in Australia are much, much warmer? moving back and forth between India and the US, I often have to deal with that weather clash, too! It's rather strange sometimes.

I am sorry that you have had such unfortunate experiences with some people on lj when they... uh, do not like what you have to say. What a peculiar and ridiculous thing to do (to write to your girlfriend-now-wife about it)! Sounds awful :(

I would love to get to know you more, and am adding you!

Thank you so much for the add! I'm definitely looking forward to getting to know you better. :)

The experience on LJ was certainly surprising. I had been happily writing about politics for close to four years and whilst I had debates with people (which you expect when you post to a public forum), I'd never experienced drama. I even attempted to lock the post and remove the people from my friends list to avoid such experiences which lead to more e-mails being sent to my wife. Cest la vie.

i don't mind being interrupted! ;)

i definitely feel more like a girl inside...and i think part of the reason i don't like identifying as a woman is because it puts more responsibility on me for certain behaviors that i don't want.

they say she talks a lot.

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